10 Easy How To Save Marriage Tips To Rekindle The Fire
According to Harriet Lerner, PhD the author of the famous The Dance of Anger book, “it takes 2 individuals to get married and couple up; however, only one individual to transform the whole relationship into a better togetherness”. Waiting for a partner to change his or her ways first, is the key recipe to divorce and unhappiness. In her newly released book called “Marriage Rules”, she has listed 100 unique ways to make the whole marriage work as well as how to save marriage– beginning with changing your behavior. Below are some of her easy-steps to have a better relationship with your spouse.
How To Save Marriage Tip #1: Always describe the issues in 3 sentences
Your spouse may say things as “I don’t have time to talk”. Generally, the main issue with this is he or she easily gets flooded with so much information, eventually making him shut down. Therefore, if you want to bring about an issue, always end the description in three sentences. Take this an as example, always cut the point you are trying to make at “You said you will do the laundry, but you did not.” Try your best not to incorporate all of those extra issues as “You do not always do what you have promised. How can I trust you? I do not even know what is in your mind. I have even seen the dishes unwashed in the kitchen.”
How To Save Marriage Tip #2: Use “I” Statements
Most of us already know that “I” statement’s value is. This is a technique which needs you to feature your own feelings rather than focusing on the behavior of your partner. For instance, when you spouse is late often, rather than telling him, “You are late all the time. That is not nice,” you could say “When you are late, the whole situation becomes a burden to me because I do not have an idea of how to make a dinner.” With this particular method, you could focus on the issue while avoiding personal attack. However, you should be warned. Not all verbal expressions which start with “I” are real “I” statements. Avoid making comments like “I think you are like your mother” or “I know you are controlling me.” This is unless, all you want is to ignite a fight.
How To Save Marriage Tip #3: Disorient Through Praise
Surprise him or her with praises just when what he or she is expecting are criticisms. For instance, when he’s a tendency to overbeat his brother and this has been an issue in most of your fights, wait for the time when you hear them talk over the phone. After their conversation, say “I like it when you use funny stories to make things lighter between you two. I did not know you could share humor together.” This tip in how to save marriage is unexpected and this will encourage him to begin developing a good behavior.
How To Save Marriage Tip #4: Talk About Dreadful Issues
If you are already tired of hearing him or her say repetitive worries regarding leaving his or her mother within the care of a nursing home eventually, you have to ignite the conversation. You might worry that if you open this issue up, his emotional dam may pour out. However, your spouse will stick into the issue longer if you will not encourage him or her to talk about it. You will not be required to look for solutions, you just need to listen.
How To Save Marriage Tip #5: Express Yourself
Never keep your spouse from guessing what it is that is troubling you. When something bothers you, set your focus on what you want to feel and what you want to happen instead of dwelling on the negative things. When the main issue is seen to be outside of the relationship, have faith that your partner will help you overcome the distress.
How To Save Marriage Tip #6: Never Bring Foreplay Into The Conversation
A lot of couples see the need for them to talk about sex often; however, this should not be through the use of the clunky sex vocabulary. The term is not only unsexy, this also implies that what you perform before the “thing” is only a requirement of the “thing”.
How To Save Marriage Tip #7: Have Date Nights
Have frequent dates with your spouse. You might spend time with them daily; however, if spending time with them means talking while checking mails, doing the dishes or putting children to bed, you have to look for that special time to converse without any forms of distraction. Have a date regularly. Create a monthly or weekly commitment and mark your calendar with this. This is just like toning your physical body. You will never be in shape if you just read about how to tone your body. Being committed to do daily exercises is the thing that will keep your body toned. Just as in how to save marriage, your relationship will get better if you set some alone time together.
How To Save Marriage Tip #8: Create Love Rituals
Kiss each other for hellos and goodbyes. Set your spouse as your priority even for just half a minute before or after work. You will never have to worry about children asking for attention. When they are more than two years old, they already have the ability to learn and absorb the love gestures which both of you are sharing.
How To Save Marriage Tip #19: Attend Counseling Sessions
Are you having bigger relationship issues or are you having a few unresolved issues which affects the current relationship? Consult someone who could assist both of your objectively. When both of you are hesitating, always bear in mind that all bookstores have special sections for “self-help.”
How To Save Marriage Tip #10: Create Visible Reminders
Hang in your wall a framed photo from your wedding. Do you still remember the vows you have made? Frame these too. Or you could look for things which will remind both of you of your yet blossoming relationship. Sticky notes are great reminders. They help you be reminded of your life’s priorities.
How to save marriage and all relationships take a lot of work, just like all other aspects of life. The needed work could be fun such as having date-nights in order to reconnect with each other or teasing each other to lighten up the mood; however it could be risky too such as confronting a marital issue or marital fear. Just like health and career efforts, exerting efforts for the process on how to save marriage can be immensely rewarding.